March 4, 2019

Joélle Étienne

I'm Better Than You!

March 4, 2019

Joélle Étienne

...you're better than me.

Life is not a competition.

Don't think about how good you have to be, or who you have to be better than. You don't

have

to do or be anything. Think

back to when you first got into something that you love to do.

Why

did you want to do it in the first place? Because it brought you joy? you felt purpose by doing that certain activity? Yet once you've gone a certain distance, it isn't so fun anymore.

When did life stop being fun?

So tell me, who decides what we do well and what we should or should not do? Is it the judges, or the critics? Is it shame? Parents? A huge component that we often forget is that

all those who judge us are biased

—

that's what judging means. It's their OPINION, not hard, cold fact.

We judge people all the time

—

based on how they act, what they wear, who they hang out with. Critics and bosses do the same thing but their opinions are typed out, made public, and declared 'official'. They compare us to someone who is better than us. That's the problem most of us run into at some point

—

we compare ourselves to others, too

. The slap in the face of truth is that there will always be someone 'better'. Is this going to make you feel confident? Is it going to help you in any positive way? NO!!

You need to compare yourself... to yourself. How have you improved? What can you do better now that was hard before? Looking ahead is good, but glancing back at where you've been can boost your self-esteem.

Feeling sorry for yourself is NOT going to solve anything; it'll make

everything

worse.

When you're in a negative mood, everything feels harder, takes longer, and you won't improve as quickly

—

you won't enjoy what you do anymore if you don't have purpose. How are you going to get anywhere in life if you never have fun sometimes?

Keep trying, and never give up. You need to do things for yourself— not the trophy, not the job; not the satisfaction of being 'better' than someone else— but for the simple reason of loving what you're doing and enjoying it all.

January 28, 2019

Joélle Étienne

What Is Your Quintessence?

January 28, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Hi. My name is Joelle, I'm 24, and music is the only thing in life that has ever made me quintessentially* ecstatic. I've been told I make very interesting faces at concerts (shrugs awkwardly).

Music saved my life. When I was 16, I had to stop my dance career because of a sustained injury, and I fell into a horribly dark mentality. When I started writing music, my life had meaning again, and now I know that I'm meant to do something with music.

The world needs music; something that transcends language, culture, belief, and opinion-- something that brings people together. And I intend to contribute to that.

Please join me on my journey; I can't do this alone. God has given me the ability to create, and I just wish I knew how to share that. At the moment, I can barely get people to share my two official songs. They listen, and then they forget. I need to figure out how to get the opposite result: sharing, being inspired and thinking and moving forward.
It takes a village; we need to support each other. Is there anything I can encourage you with? Email me or comment below.
Share your dreams and make them stronger!

With encouragement,
Joelle

P.S.
My new braces have moved my teeth just enough that the molars don't currently touch enough to chew, so I now want to impart unto you, my dear reader, the joy for and realization of the extreme under-appreciation that we as a species have for chewing.
Thank you.

* Quin·tes·sence /ˌkwinˈtesəns/ noun.
1. The most perfect example of something.
2. The central, most refined essence of an idea or substance.

January 21, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Who Is Joelle?

January 21, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Since this is 2019, I suppose I should introduce myself for this year. Hi, I'm Joelle. I'm eclectic. I like cats, dragons, green apples, chocolate, and fantasy stories. As a musical artist, I stylize my name as Joélle.

I love music.

I have to get braces in a couple days and I really don't want them, mostly because flossing is already a nightmare and now it's going to be a night terror (at least they're clear?...).

I have a black persian cat named Micia (MEE-chah) who I love most dearly and talk about far too much in regular conversation because she's GREAT and obviously everyone else in the world needs to know just how GREAT she is, too.

I have insomnia, major depressive disorder (MDD), and ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis, a.k.a. chronic fatigue for all of you who are thinking, 'seriously, she's using medical jargon now? I clicked on this 'cause I thought it would be interesting, not another grumblegrum*...').

I have fibromyalgia (muscle + joint pain/weakness), tremors, and finally, the real kicker: neurological auto-immune disease (we think). Now you may be thinking about how sorry you are for me, but please stop and read my wording above one more time.

I HAVE insomnia, and I have auto-immune disease, but they don't have me. Sometimes they pull me under a bit and I need some time to swim back up, but I like swimming. Supposedly, some people want to hear about my life and my thoughts and my perspectives, so I'm going to try to update this blog every Sunday. (Shoot. *Looks at calendar and cringes*)
If you're interested, follow me. :) I hope we can have a lot of fascinating discussions over the year of 2019.

Hugs,
Joelle

*GRUMBLEGRUM [noun.]

Joellenese for the "muttering of unsavory words under one's breath".

January 13, 2019

Joélle Étienne

It's Hard.

January 13, 2019

Joélle Étienne

It’s hard.

It’s really, really, hard. When your mind is saying, yes, yes, let's do it! and your soul is chiming in, this will make you happy; but your body simply replies with the same answer every time, like an old man on the bus who says the same words to the driver every day when he nods goodbye: I’m so very tired.

I’m sorry, I can’t do it.

It hurts too much.

All I want is to practice the piano, or sew, or take a full-length shower; and if I go ahead and do it anyway, afterward my body is in even more pain— a lot more.

Then I have to take more medicine,

and my mind gets even more dizzy,

and when my soul says, you can keep moving forward! I want to grab it by its hair and shout and sob and show it the dull, burning flashes of frosty lightning tracing every path my neurons connect to with a silent scream.

Yet even when tears are streaming down my face and all I need more than air itself is a hug, but I can’t get one because everyone else is asleep— I still hear my soul, quietly flickering away in my shaky heart to keep it warm.

You will.

Your will is stronger than fatigue.
Your hope will overcome depression.
Your strength will carry your pain.
Your determination will sharpen your mind.
Your faith will shape your future, and
Your soul will keep you warm.

I hope you have a good day. I'm super sleepy so I'll be watching The Great British Bake-off and drinking plenty of fluids.

Love,

Joelle.

September 30, 2016

Joélle Étienne

I Can Barely Take It Anymore.

September 30, 2016

Joélle Étienne

DEAR
Heart:
I'm sick. Again. Sick of being sick, sick of my physical body, sick of never having any control over the bimonthly colds I get.

I'm tired. Tired of being worn out, tired of never sleeping, tired of being an insomniac with an overactive imagination, tired of the daily trials of life.

I'm finished. Finished with the world, finished with doctors, finished with people, finished with those who spread lies about me fabricating my illness.

I'm broken. My immune system is broken, my mind is broken, my body is broken, my happiness is broken. I can barely take it anymore.

So I do the only thing I can; I worship. I pray, I give thanks, I lift my hands and feel the music around me and close my eyes. I'm filled with peace. No, it's not coming from me, it's being given to me. And I know that no matter how hard today, tomorrow, and the day after that will be, I will always be able to find something to give my mind and my soul peace.

Because like the song says, we are broken together.

With Brokenness,

Joélle.

July 10, 2015

Joélle Étienne

Lost In Translation

July 10, 2015

Joélle Étienne

DEAR
Young adults:
It's hard to stop trying to find validation through others.

It's hard when you know you have worked every day, every year, and you try and fail over and over again. It's hard to pick yourself up and keep going after every fall. It's hard when you finally get somewhere, only to be ignored by the very people you are trying to impress.

I'm turning twenty-one in two weeks, and I still have no idea what I am supposed to do with my life. I sing, I write, I draw, I paint, I create. And yet, I have no understood purpose in life; no path to follow. All I know is that I will not be able to move through life unless I continue to create.

I feel like someone has put me in a helicopter, flown me out to sea, and dropped me in the center of a vast ocean. There is nothing in sight. I do not know what is beneath me. I can't see anything coming toward me. I am struggling to stay above the waves. There is nothing to swim toward, nothing to measure against. I am alone.

The only thing that I know is there is the sky, but even the sky changes. Sometimes it's filled with light, and sometimes it's dark. Sometimes I see the stars and the moon, and sometimes it's raining, and I cry along with the clouds. The only constant is the rising and setting of the sun, even if it's obscured, because I know it's there.

What I'm trying to say is, my life is the ocean, and this is how I feel. I am overwhelmed and lost, and the only thing I know for certain is that God, the sun, is somewhere nearby.

I don't know how to end this post, because I am so tired and sad and emotionally dry right now. I suppose I simply wanted to write out my state of mind.

It's storming in the sea of my mind right now, and I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Normally, I'd post something positive about how to get out of the storm, but I have to admit that I can't get out of mine right now. I think it's time I admitted that I am just as lost and broken as so many other people, and I simply needed to share my turmoil. Maybe we can help each other.

Da duit.

With I Can't Even Right Now (Seriously),

Joélle.

December 16, 2014

Joélle Étienne

Why do Humans Exist?

December 16, 2014

Joélle Étienne

DEAR
Existentialists:
Once again, I've been overthinking.

I just watched Lucy; a film in which a woman dragged into a drug ring gone wrong is suddenly able to use the entire capacity of her brain. Last night, I watched a film called The Giver, about a seemingly utopian society in which emotion, color, difference, and anything that can set anyone apart from anyone else is nonexistent. After watching these, it made me think.

We, as humans, take things for granted. We make poor choices. We create incredible things. We engineer horrible things. The human race as a whole is incredible, in good ways as well as bad. I could write a dissertation on this subject alone, but I'm going to try to concentrate on one: how we think.

In Lucy, the title character slowly immerses herself in everything around her, until she no longer exists as a person. One of the first things to go are her emotions, after the offending drug bag is removed from her body. She uses logic, but feelings, care of consequences, and pain slowly fade away. She kills without blinking an eyelash. Her existence suddenly loses meaning to her, and she cares for only one thing: saving her knowledge. Imagine if everyone in the world were like that. I shiver just thinking about it.

In The Giver, everyone in the society is given injections that remove the ability to feel emotion. Everyone is supposed to be the same as everyone else, so everything listed next has been removed from their world: emotion, free choice, skin color, nationality, talent, free thought, free expression, ownership of anything of any kind. That means no music, no dancing, no colors, no books, no learning, no expressing your opinion. No expansion of knowledge. No change. If twins are born, one is immediately killed.

When someone speaks out, messes up, or gets too old, they are killed. Babies are reassigned to "family units" so that there is no personal attachment. Imagine if we lived in a world where we couldn't feel. There would be no love, no happiness, no sadness. No determination, no invention, no change. No creativity, which is the thing in all creation that I appreciate most. And the worst part about it all? No one would know any different. That would be the human existence. This creeps me out way more than Lucy, but tell me; what are your thoughts?

Here is a short but not sweet description of how afraid I am of my own thoughts:

Neverever

The darkness blows across the water

like a soulful wind:

waterfalls all around the ground.

Dream sweat– white imagination,

the feeling of lost

While collecting bits and torn scraps of forgotten afternoons.

How can something so black, painful, be

as elegant as this?

A flurry of thoughts, sediments

at the bottom of night’s ink; seething, sobbing.

What’s coming leaves me far behind;

I keep on walking through ghosts–

I am afraid of the landscape of my mind.

With Her Head Between Her Knees, Rocking Back And Forth In A Corner,

Joélle.

March 2, 2014

Joélle Étienne

Thinking? That's Never Good.

March 2, 2014

Joélle Étienne

DEAR
Self:
It's been so long, I thought I'd just sit down and write out my thoughts. This is unedited, so bear with me. Lately, I have been thinking. That is never good, because my mind goes ninety-four miles a minute and turns up some pretty crazy things, such as a deep need to debate whether children could be conceived and raised in Neverland. But that is beside the point.

I have noticed that despite my varied interests and all of the work I do at my job and for myself, I feel like I am at a stalemate with life right now. That is bad, in case you were wondering. Anyhow, I have decided to make a list for myself with everything I'd like to do from now on, then figure out how to actually get that thing in my life without taking too much from everything else that's important to me. Why am I posting this? Because I have nothing to post and I thought you could help me out.

1) I need to get fit. Not skinny, fit. Food has always been the only love life I've needed, and it's not helping that I enjoy sweets and carbs far more than I should. So if you see me sneaking a garlic twist at work, tell me to put it back and eat a salad. I may get mad at you, but at least I'll know someone read my blog. (UPDATE: Thank you, Sara. lol)

2) I need to get music out for others to hear, and stop trying to be perfect. So I sang something a little flat, or I messed up that piano bit. PUT IT UP anyway, people will still give feedback. I've learned this, and I am just so self-conscious about it. So I am going to try as hard as I can to put up a video of some kind every other week. If I get sick, like I did this past week, it won't get in the way of weekly projects.

3) I need to stop watching Doctor Who and start writing again. If I never make it as a singer, at least I'll have a novel or two or twelve to fall back on. Maybe I'll feel accomplished. I just need to finish things, and writing is one of the hardest, because I feel like it all needs to be just so.

4) I need to make my dream my concentration. Music is my dream, so music should be breathed, drunk, and imagined every second of the day. I need to practice more instead of, once again, watching television shows. Damn you, iCarly. Practice makes better, and if I want my life to be music, I need to make music my life. This is truthfully the hardest, because underneath all the fuzzy blonde, I am still afraid that I am wasting my time and my hope.

That's the end, I'm trying to be succinct. If I sound self-centered in this, that's because I felt like it today. So-rry. If you have any suggestions for me, whether they be of songs to cover, teas to drink, or anything else, let me know. :)

With A Mouthful Of ~~Garlic Bread~~ Chicken Salad,

Joélle

today is day one

...you're better than me.