What Is Your Quintessence?

          Hi. My name is Joelle, I'm 24, and music is the only thing in life that has ever made me quintessentially* ecstatic. I've been told I make very interesting faces at concerts (shrugs awkwardly).

       Music saved my life. When I was 16, I had to stop my dance career because of a sustained injury, and I fell into a horribly dark mentality. When I started writing music, my life had meaning again, and now I know that I'm meant to do something with music.

       The world needs music; something that transcends language, culture, belief, and opinion-- something that brings people together. And I intend to contribute to that. 

          Please join me on my journey; I can't do this alone. God has given me the ability to create, and I just wish I knew how to share that. At the moment, I can barely get people to share my two official songs. They listen, and then they forget. I need to figure out how to get the opposite result: sharing, being inspired and thinking and moving forward.
           It takes a village; we need to support each other. Is there anything I can encourage you with? Email me or comment below.
           Share your dreams and make them stronger!

           With encouragement, 
           Joelle


P.S. 
My new braces have moved my teeth just enough that the molars don't currently touch enough to chew, so I now want to impart unto you, my dear reader, the joy for and realization of the extreme under-appreciation that we as a species have for chewing. 
Thank you.


* Quin·tes·sence   /ˌkwinˈtesəns/   noun. 
1. The most perfect example of something.
2. The central, most refined essence of an idea or substance.

Ranaway

DEAR
     Lovers of the dark:
       On the third day of Poemmas, my blogger gave to me: a really dark stream of imagery. This poem was written about how confusing the depths of an insomniac mind can be, and how reality and dreams mangle together during the night. I hope you enjoy it.

Ranaway

Stumbling away from the haters of joy,

sobbing, spurning– into

darkness hope flailed. Reason, lost, turned to crash

into the inky trees, its headlights smashed.

Limping, blaming, unforgiveness

was bloody, hate spurting; it shook blindly, accusing

the sliver moon as it innocently looked on,

shining sadly, dripping silver night.

Coughing, grabbing, fear

tripped through the underbrush, following

the abandoned wails of unforgiveness. Hidden

behind the forest’s shadow, shivers

caressed hope’s spine, despair freezing her heart.

Losing light, failing, hope peered up

as the silver moon innocently looked on,

shining sadly, dripping bright slivers of night.

Depression’s soiled tendrils, calling, pulled hope

away, as she lay on the shriveled hands of trees,

rotting on the cold earth, gasping, curling into dark.

Dreamy terror slowly emerged; fear

and unforgiveness found hope’s fragile form, aged by

misery. Her shivers ceased, eyes stared;

hope died all alone.

With A Slight Shiver,

Joélle.

Oh, Great, I'm Thinking Again.

DEAR
      Mind:
           I absolutely hate it when someone tells me, “Don’t worry, it’ll be okay.” Or “Just trust in God to lead you to the right place.” I’m a hypocrite, because I say the first one a lot, but the second gets to me even more. I, as a musician, always wonder if it’s worthwhile to try to pursue my dreams. My dreams of dancing failed in a pretty spectacular way, and I worry that something similar will happen again.

        I know a lot of people that have similar worries, and being Christian, when someone voices their worries, the usual answer, in place of advice, is “Just trust in God.” I’m sorry if you think I’m being blasphemous or something, but that does not make me feel any better. In any situation, sitting back and hoping never does anything for me. I need action. I need to know that I can count on myself to do things. Yes, I believe God gives me passions and direction, but it’s up to me what to do with them.

            I refuse to not take action when there is even the slightest thing I can do. Most people I know who love music sit in their rooms and practice, and pray that God will give them a chance. Sorry, but no chance is going to come your way unless you go out and look for it. I record music and put it online, I perform when I can, regardless of audience or pay (or lack thereof in either situation, lol), and I record videos. I enter any competition I can find, and if a music show comes to town or has open auditions online, I will be there. I shamelessly annoy people who’s e-mails I find after long online searches, and because of that, I have a couple great connections in the music world now.

          But even with all of that, nothing guarantees that I will ever be able to make a living or be recognized for my music. You think the acting world is cutthroat? Just wait. Talent means nothing. Connections and sheer luck do. How else do you think terrible singers get famous? The best talent is in the indie and underground world, where songwriting is honest and blunt, and being able to play an instrument or two is almost necessary.

          This is what I worry about. When I tell someone my worries, I don’t want to hear, “God will help you in time.” I want to hear ideas on what I can do next. God will be there for me, but I already know that. God is like the current pulling my boat along in life. If I have perfectly good oars, I’m going to use them, I’m not going to leave them in the bottom of the boat.

          If you worry about something, do everything you can, even if it’s a little crazy, or you don’t feel prepared. Taking chances are the only way you’ll ever reach the full potential you were meant to achieve. Use the oars.


With A Slightly Furrowed Brow,

Joélle.

Thinking? That's Never Good.

DEAR
     Self:
        It's been so long, I thought I'd just sit down and write out my thoughts. This is unedited, so bear with me. Lately, I have been thinking. That is never good, because my mind goes ninety-four miles a minute and turns up some pretty crazy things, such as a deep need to debate whether children could be conceived and raised in Neverland. But that is beside the point.

         I have noticed that despite my varied interests and all of the work I do at my job and for myself, I feel like I am at a stalemate with life right now. That is bad, in case you were wondering. Anyhow, I have decided to make a list for myself with everything I'd like to do from now on, then figure out how to actually get that thing in my life without taking too much from everything else that's important to me. Why am I posting this? Because I have nothing to post and I thought you could help me out.

         1) I need to get fit. Not skinny, fit. Food has always been the only love life I've needed, and it's not helping that I enjoy sweets and carbs far more than I should. So if you see me sneaking a garlic twist at work, tell me to put it back and eat a salad. I may get mad at you, but at least I'll know someone read my blog. (UPDATE: Thank you, Sara. lol)

         2) I need to get music out for others to hear, and stop trying to be perfect. So I sang something a little flat, or I messed up that piano bit. PUT IT UP anyway, people will still give feedback. I've learned this, and I am just so self-conscious about it. So I am going to try as hard as I can to put up a video of some kind every other week. If I get sick, like I did this past week, it won't get in the way of weekly projects.

         3) I need to stop watching Doctor Who and start writing again. If I never make it as a singer, at least I'll have a novel or two or twelve to fall back on. Maybe I'll feel accomplished. I just need to finish things, and writing is one of the hardest, because I feel like it all needs to be just so.

       4) I need to make my dream my concentration. Music is my dream, so music should be breathed, drunk, and imagined every second of the day. I need to practice more instead of, once again, watching television shows. Damn you, iCarly. Practice makes better, and if I want my life to be music, I need to make music my life. This is truthfully the hardest, because underneath all the fuzzy blonde, I am still afraid that I am wasting my time and my hope.

       That's the end, I'm trying to be succinct. If I sound self-centered in this, that's because I felt like it today. So-rry. If you have any suggestions for me, whether they be of songs to cover, teas to drink, or anything else, let me know. :) 

With A Mouthful Of Garlic Bread Chicken Salad,

Joélle