April 1, 2019

Who Do You Want To Be?

April 1, 2019

I asked myself today, ‘Who do you really, truly, honestly want to be?’ Then I made a list, but it was more of a list of what I wanted to be, not who.

‘I want to be an author,’ I said. ‘A recording artist, a songwriter who can sustain herself.’ But those are all occupations; a way of surviving financially in this world (even if they are considered ‘whimsical’ positions by many people). The real question I should ask myself is, ‘Who do I want to be inside?’

So I made a new list. ‘I want to be encouraging,’ I said. ‘Someone who keeps moving forward and finding the good in everything and everyone; someone who can be inspired, and inspire in turn.’

I want to be someone who encourages minds and souls, lets them know they are not alone, and takes the dark and makes it beautiful. I want to love instead of hating; create, and not destroy. I want to make brokenness beautiful.

Instead of wishing to be a certain way, try every day to be a little better than the person you were yesterday. Don’t wait for it to come to you, because it won’t. You have to become it.

Tell me, who do you want to be?

March 18, 2019

Joélle Étienne

What Is Depression?

March 18, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Or rather, it is mostly in your head, but literally (not just figuratively). For the longest time, I thought that the feeling of hopelessness and apathy was something I couldn't control. It would just creep up on me, even when I was happy and had no reason to be sad at all.* It was infuriating because I couldn't make it go away, and I couldn't come to understand it.

I felt invaded, violated by something invisible that some would say was 'all in my mind'. Noticing something internal like this when you're 14 years old and are already terrified of how the world around you works is debilitating.

I didn't know how to handle it, so I muddled through the next four years; I cried, learned lessons, went to college, and lost hold of my dancing dreams—

all with the black, smokey shadow of depression swirling through me invisibly. Then I was eighteen, and I was finally diagnosed with clinical depressive disorder. I researched it after my doctor said that it wasn't just me creating the sadness.

Scientific studies show so much more! For instance, did you know:

1. 'Experts believe stress can suppress the production of new neurons (nerve cells) in the brain'.* Neurons are what make the brain work properly, and if you have depression, you probably need something to spur on neurogenesis*.

2. In people with depression, the levels of certain brain chemicals might be out of balance, particularly these neurotransmitters*: serotonin (which regulates mood, emotion, and sleep); dopamine (which affects movement, attention, and pleasure); and norepinephrine (which regulates arousal, sleep, attention, and mood)*.

Wow! It feels like college again. In any case, my poor little brain, while feeling much better emotionally, is now exhausted past the point of being science-y any longer. I hope this will help if you have any friends or family who can't quite wrap their own heads around what's going on in your head, or if you're trying to understand yourself.

Love and Hugs and Naps (Boy Am I Pooped),

Joëlle

*1."Understanding Anhedonia: What Happens in the Brain?" Tim Newman/Medical News Today. (2018)

*2."What Causes Depression?" Harvard Medical School. (2009) (2017)

*3."What Is Neurogenesis?" University of Queensland. (2017)

*4."What Are Neurotransmitters?" University of Queensland. (2017)

*5."What Causes Depression? Brain Chemistry and Neurotransmitters..." Alison Palkhivala/University Health News. (2019)

March 4, 2019

Joélle Étienne

I'm Better Than You!

March 4, 2019

Joélle Étienne

...you're better than me.

Life is not a competition.

Don't think about how good you have to be, or who you have to be better than. You don't

have

to do or be anything. Think

back to when you first got into something that you love to do.

Why

did you want to do it in the first place? Because it brought you joy? you felt purpose by doing that certain activity? Yet once you've gone a certain distance, it isn't so fun anymore.

When did life stop being fun?

So tell me, who decides what we do well and what we should or should not do? Is it the judges, or the critics? Is it shame? Parents? A huge component that we often forget is that

all those who judge us are biased

—

that's what judging means. It's their OPINION, not hard, cold fact.

We judge people all the time

—

based on how they act, what they wear, who they hang out with. Critics and bosses do the same thing but their opinions are typed out, made public, and declared 'official'. They compare us to someone who is better than us. That's the problem most of us run into at some point

—

we compare ourselves to others, too

. The slap in the face of truth is that there will always be someone 'better'. Is this going to make you feel confident? Is it going to help you in any positive way? NO!!

You need to compare yourself... to yourself. How have you improved? What can you do better now that was hard before? Looking ahead is good, but glancing back at where you've been can boost your self-esteem.

Feeling sorry for yourself is NOT going to solve anything; it'll make

everything

worse.

When you're in a negative mood, everything feels harder, takes longer, and you won't improve as quickly

—

you won't enjoy what you do anymore if you don't have purpose. How are you going to get anywhere in life if you never have fun sometimes?

Keep trying, and never give up. You need to do things for yourself— not the trophy, not the job; not the satisfaction of being 'better' than someone else— but for the simple reason of loving what you're doing and enjoying it all.

February 26, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Determination ❤️

February 26, 2019

Joélle Étienne

One of my favorite words is

'determination'

. Why? Because it not only means

'the deciding of an outcome'

and '

the firmness of

purpose

—

resoluteness!'

, but also because it is a reminder to

NEVER

give up

.

When I was a dancer, I taught classes; it was so much fun, and I'll never forget the experience. However, when I had the onset of pain from a mysterious injury, I was feeling down. The doctors put me into a big, green cast because they couldn't for the life of them figure out what was wrong with my foot.

Then I was faced with a dilemma: should I quit teaching? I didn't want to even think about the looming possibility of my dancing career ending, so I tried to gather my courage and keep moving forward...

So I taught classes with the cast on my foot. 😉 One of my students was even amazingly encouraging enough to create a depiction of my determination, along with a description (on the left).

It's a treasure, lol. I'm never getting rid of it ❤️. The thing about determination is that it stems from something much more precious—

hope

. This is going to be a huge theme in my blog, running throughout everything I write; hope is very important, and it encourages so many incredible strengths

Once you receive hope— and learn to nurture it— you’ll find that you have so much of it, you can share it with everyone around you. So

BE FILLED WITH DETERMINATION

when something comes your way!

—Joelle :)

What's something you really want to do, but feel like you don't have determination to do it? Comment below, and we can get stronger together!

February 18, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Hello, It's Joelle

February 18, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Happy Monday! I'm not feeling well, so I don't have a deeply thought-out post this week; HOWEVER, I was recently scrolling through my old videos on YouTube (you should check them out!) and stumbled across this lovely gem:

Ironically, I recorded this
song when I had quite the snuffly
cold, so I suppose the theme of
today's blog is don't let your
circumstance back you into a
corner.

As the journalist Germany Kent once said, “It's a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”

Make sure to take care of the big three— mind, body, and spirit— while making sure one is never neglected for another. It's important to take care of yourself in all aspects, especially your spirit: your soul, your love, and your joyfulness.

If I hadn't done something to lift my mood that day, I would have been letting my body overtake my spirit; after I finished recording, I rested for two days after to make sure my body was able to get better, too. I've learned over the years that a lifted spirit and a joyful, grateful heart will do more to heal your mind and body than other, more logical things might. What makes you truly joyful?

Joy isn't the same as happiness, it's a feeling of grateful excitement that comes from within, not from the things around you.

Remember, love yourself.

—Joelle

February 11, 2019

Joélle Étienne

I Love Myself

February 11, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Happy (Almost-) Valentine's day! I have a question for you: do you love yourself?*

It's a valid question, with a difficult answer. Maybe you like your personality, but not your physical body (that would be me, hellooo).

Maybe there are parts of yourself that you pray never see the light of day. Maybe you have an addiction. Maybe you self-harm. Maybe you starve yourself. Maybe you do all of this because you're listening to the demon in the mirror that tells you you're not good enough.

There is an idea in psychology called "self-concept" that condenses a lot of our self-deprecation into a short sentence:

self-con·cept
noun
1. An idea of the self; constructed from the beliefs one holds about oneself and the responses of others.

Don't let an idea of the self manipulate who you really are. You can love yourself, because God loves you, no matter who you think you are. You may think you're not worth it, but you are. When that demon in the mirror starts to talk, you shout back at it and say, "I am worth it! I am valuable! I love myself, I value myself!"** You are a creature of unique and beautiful design, and no one else has your soul.

This Valentine's day, and EVERY day, make sure you take care of yourself and encourage yourself. Think about it this way, in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt— "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."— not even you.

*BTS - Answer: Love Myself
**Hailee Steinfeld - Love Myself

February 4, 2019

Joélle Étienne

My Story… (Has Just Begun!)

February 4, 2019

Joélle Étienne

I wasn't entirely sure what to write today, so I thought I'd write a professional sad blurb (although it's a bit longer than a blurb- maybe a bluurben? List names for longer blurbs down below...).

For the past two and a half years, my health has been steadily declining— it began with severe chronic fatigue syndrome and constant headaches; then muscle and joint pain, difficulty walking or standing for more than 5 minutes, brain fog, dizziness/light-headedness, benign essential tremors in the hands, numbing neuropathy in the arms and legs, and severe nerve pain in the shoulders (specifically the right shoulder), back, and right arm and hand.

Tentative diagnoses from my current team of doctors include fibromyalgia, neural auto-immune disease, and neural brain inflammation. Concrete diagnoses include ME/CFS, neuropathy, and allergies/intolerance of cats, dogs, anything with fur, lactose/dairy, gluten, lettuce, white beans, and a variety of grains.

I am twenty-four years old, and I feel like I am losing time in the prime of my life to go explore opportunities and do what I really feel called by God to do: be a songwriter, author, and recording artist in the major scene. I know that I am supposed to cut through the depravity and worldliness of a lot of the music and storytelling of today and give listeners encouragement and inspiration to use their brokenness and create something beautiful again. I'm trying to follow my previously stated mantra, but even I can't hold to it in this pain and mental foggy thunderstorm.

I want to learn how to control my panic attacks (or even stop them altogether!), grow closer to God and use my spirituality as a way to move forward in health and joyfulness. I want to gain a stronger outlook and learn new ways to continue following my calling while combatting this serious chronic illness and pain.

And sometimes, I just need someone to spill my heart and tears to, because this is hard, and I'm not impenetrable.

Believe It! を信じなさい!

Hugs help, too. Believe it!

So there you have it: my mind (today, anyway) in a nutshell. Yeah, it can get kind of depressing in there sometimes, but gosh, do I love creating things! I also want to be encouraging to everyone I meet no matter how bad of a day I or the people around me may be having, so there's a real year's resolution!

January 28, 2019

Joélle Étienne

What Is Your Quintessence?

January 28, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Hi. My name is Joelle, I'm 24, and music is the only thing in life that has ever made me quintessentially* ecstatic. I've been told I make very interesting faces at concerts (shrugs awkwardly).

Music saved my life. When I was 16, I had to stop my dance career because of a sustained injury, and I fell into a horribly dark mentality. When I started writing music, my life had meaning again, and now I know that I'm meant to do something with music.

The world needs music; something that transcends language, culture, belief, and opinion-- something that brings people together. And I intend to contribute to that.

Please join me on my journey; I can't do this alone. God has given me the ability to create, and I just wish I knew how to share that. At the moment, I can barely get people to share my two official songs. They listen, and then they forget. I need to figure out how to get the opposite result: sharing, being inspired and thinking and moving forward.
It takes a village; we need to support each other. Is there anything I can encourage you with? Email me or comment below.
Share your dreams and make them stronger!

With encouragement,
Joelle

P.S.
My new braces have moved my teeth just enough that the molars don't currently touch enough to chew, so I now want to impart unto you, my dear reader, the joy for and realization of the extreme under-appreciation that we as a species have for chewing.
Thank you.

* Quin·tes·sence /ˌkwinˈtesəns/ noun.
1. The most perfect example of something.
2. The central, most refined essence of an idea or substance.

January 21, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Who Is Joelle?

January 21, 2019

Joélle Étienne

Since this is 2019, I suppose I should introduce myself for this year. Hi, I'm Joelle. I'm eclectic. I like cats, dragons, green apples, chocolate, and fantasy stories. As a musical artist, I stylize my name as Joélle.

I love music.

I have to get braces in a couple days and I really don't want them, mostly because flossing is already a nightmare and now it's going to be a night terror (at least they're clear?...).

I have a black persian cat named Micia (MEE-chah) who I love most dearly and talk about far too much in regular conversation because she's GREAT and obviously everyone else in the world needs to know just how GREAT she is, too.

I have insomnia, major depressive disorder (MDD), and ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis, a.k.a. chronic fatigue for all of you who are thinking, 'seriously, she's using medical jargon now? I clicked on this 'cause I thought it would be interesting, not another grumblegrum*...').

I have fibromyalgia (muscle + joint pain/weakness), tremors, and finally, the real kicker: neurological auto-immune disease (we think). Now you may be thinking about how sorry you are for me, but please stop and read my wording above one more time.

I HAVE insomnia, and I have auto-immune disease, but they don't have me. Sometimes they pull me under a bit and I need some time to swim back up, but I like swimming. Supposedly, some people want to hear about my life and my thoughts and my perspectives, so I'm going to try to update this blog every Sunday. (Shoot. *Looks at calendar and cringes*)
If you're interested, follow me. :) I hope we can have a lot of fascinating discussions over the year of 2019.

Hugs,
Joelle

*GRUMBLEGRUM [noun.]

Joellenese for the "muttering of unsavory words under one's breath".

today is day one

...you're better than me.