What Is Depression?

it’s not all in your head.

Or rather, it is mostly in your head, but literally (not just figuratively). For the longest time, I thought that the feeling of hopelessness and apathy was something I couldn't control. It would just creep up on me, even when I was happy and had no reason to be sad at all.* It was infuriating because I couldn't make it go away, and I couldn't come to understand it.

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I felt invaded, violated by something invisible that some would say was 'all in my mind'. Noticing something internal like this when you're 14 years old and are already terrified of how the world around you works is debilitating.

I didn't know how to handle it, so I muddled through the next four years; I cried, learned lessons, went to college, and lost hold of my dancing dreams—

all with the black, smokey shadow of depression swirling through me invisibly. Then I was eighteen, and I was finally diagnosed with clinical depressive disorder. I researched it after my doctor said that it wasn't just me creating the sadness.

Scientific studies show so much more! For instance, did you know:

1. 'Experts believe stress can suppress the production of new neurons (nerve cells) in the brain'.* Neurons are what make the brain work properly, and if you have depression, you probably need something to spur on neurogenesis*.

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Neurotransmitters.

2. In people with depression, the levels of certain brain chemicals might be out of balance, particularly these neurotransmitters*: serotonin (which regulates mood, emotion, and sleep); dopamine (which affects movement, attention, and pleasure); and norepinephrine (which regulates arousal, sleep, attention, and mood)*.

Wow! It feels like college again. In any case, my poor little brain, while feeling much better emotionally, is now exhausted past the point of being science-y any longer. I hope this will help if you have any friends or family who can't quite wrap their own heads around what's going on in your head, or if you're trying to understand yourself.

Love and Hugs and Naps (Boy Am I Pooped),

Joëlle

*1."Understanding Anhedonia: What Happens in the Brain?" Tim Newman/Medical News Today. (2018)

*2."What Causes Depression?" Harvard Medical School. (2009) (2017)

*3."What Is Neurogenesis?" University of Queensland. (2017)

*4."What Are Neurotransmitters?" University of Queensland. (2017)

*5."What Causes Depression? Brain Chemistry and Neurotransmitters..." Alison Palkhivala/University Health News. (2019)

Hello, It's Joelle

     Happy Monday! I'm not feeling well, so I don't have a deeply thought-out post this week; HOWEVER, I was recently scrolling through my old videos on YouTube (you should check them out!) and stumbled across this lovely gem:

       Ironically, I recorded this
song when I had quite the snuffly
cold, so I suppose the  theme of
today's blog is don't let your 
circumstance back you into a
corner.

       As the journalist Germany Kent once said, “It's a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.”

         Make sure to take care of the big three— mind, body, and spirit— while making sure one is never neglected for another. It's important to take care of yourself in all aspects, especially your spirit: your soul, your love, and your joyfulness.

       If I hadn't done something to lift my mood that day, I would have been letting my body overtake my spirit; after I finished recording, I rested for two days after to make sure my body was able to get better, too. I've learned over the years that a lifted spirit and a joyful, grateful heart will do more to heal your mind and body than other, more logical things might. What makes you truly joyful? 

        Joy isn't the same as happiness, it's a feeling of grateful excitement that comes from within, not from the things around you.

          Remember, love yourself.

                            —Joelle

I Love Myself

      Happy (Almost-) Valentine's day! I have a question for you: do you love yourself?*

         It's a valid question, with a difficult answer. Maybe you like your personality, but not your physical body (that would be me, hellooo). 

         Maybe there are parts of yourself that you pray never see the light of day. Maybe you have an addiction. Maybe you self-harm. Maybe you starve yourself. Maybe you do all of this because you're listening to the demon in the mirror that tells you you're not good enough.

    There is an idea in psychology called "self-concept" that condenses a lot of our self-deprecation into a short sentence:

self-con·cept
noun
1. An idea of the self; constructed from the beliefs one holds about oneself and the responses of others.

      Don't let an idea of the self manipulate who you really are. You can love yourself, because God loves you, no matter who you think you are. You may think you're not worth it, but you are. When that demon in the mirror starts to talk, you shout back at it and say, "I am worth it! I am valuable! I love myself, I value myself!"** You are a creature of unique and beautiful design, and no one else has your soul.

       This Valentine's day, and EVERY day, make sure you take care of yourself and encourage yourself. Think about it this way, in the words of Eleanor Roosevelt— "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."— not even you. 

*BTS - Answer: Love Myself
**Hailee Steinfeld - Love Myself

It's a Beautiful Life

DEAR
     Wonderers:
            When you think of beautiful, what immediately comes to mind? If you just thought of pretty girls, you have got to get a life. Seriously. When I imagine beauty in its purest form, my mind fills with sunlight and moonlight. These natural forms of light make anything they wash over look so different: bright, beautiful, and oftentimes unearthly.

         In photography, there are two main rules, in just two words- light and composition. You can take a photograph of a simple piece of grass, and there's nothing special about it; you're thinking of deleting it. But if you take a picture of that same piece of grass with dramatic lighting, the entire composition looks totally different. That scraggly little bit of grass is suddenly beautiful, smooth, and glowing- and why? Because you waited until the sun was hitting it just right. Here's an example from a few photos I took:

            This makes me think of life in general. If we took things that seem drab, boring, and even sad or hopeless, couldn't we just shed a little light on them? Finding even the tiniest bit of something to be optimistic about makes life a whole lot brighter. Just wait until you see the light.  And If you can't, maybe it just need time to move in after the shadows. :D

With Leaves In My Hair,

Joélle.