Who Is Joelle?

         Since this is 2019, I suppose I should introduce myself for this year. Hi, I'm Joelle. I'm eclectic. I like cats, dragons, green apples, chocolate, and fantasy stories. As a musical artist, I stylize my name as Joélle.

         I love music.

         I have to get braces in a couple days and I really don't want them, mostly because flossing is already a nightmare and now it's going to be a night terror (at least they're clear?...).

        I have a black persian cat named Micia (MEE-chah) who I love most dearly and talk about far too much in regular conversation because she's GREAT and obviously everyone else in the world needs to know just how GREAT she is, too. 

     I have insomnia, major depressive disorder (MDD), and ME (myalgic encephalomyelitis, a.k.a. chronic fatigue for all of you who are thinking, 'seriously, she's using medical jargon now? I clicked on this 'cause I thought it would be interesting, not another grumblegrum*...').

          I have fibromyalgia (muscle + joint pain/weakness), tremors, and finally, the real kicker: neurological auto-immune disease (we think). Now you may be thinking about how sorry you are for me, but please stop and read my wording above one more time. 

       I HAVE insomnia, and I have auto-immune disease, but they don't have me. Sometimes they pull me under a bit and I need some time to swim back up, but I like swimming. Supposedly, some people want to hear about my life and my thoughts and my perspectives, so I'm going to try to update this blog every Sunday. (Shoot. *Looks at calendar and cringes*)
        If you're interested, follow me. :) I hope we can have a lot of fascinating discussions over the year of 2019.

             Hugs,
                Joelle

*GRUMBLEGRUM [noun.]

 Joellenese for the "muttering of unsavory words under one's breath".

It's Hard.

       It’s hard.

      It’s really, really, hard. When your mind is saying, yes, yes, let's do it! and your soul is chiming in, this will make you happy; but your body simply replies with the same answer every time, like an old man on the bus who says the same words to the driver every day when he nods goodbye: I’m so very tired.

        I’m sorry, I can’t do it. 

        It hurts too much.

       All I want is to practice the piano, or sew, or take a full-length shower; and if I go ahead and do it anyway, afterward my body is in even more pain— a lot more.

       Then I have to take more medicine,

       and my mind gets even more dizzy, 

       and when my soul says, you can keep moving forward! I want to grab it by its hair and shout and sob and show it the dull, burning flashes of frosty lightning tracing every path my neurons connect to with a silent scream.

       Yet even when tears are streaming down my face and all I need more than air itself is a hug, but I can’t get one because everyone else is asleep— I still hear my soul, quietly flickering away in my shaky heart to keep it warm.

       You will.

   Your will is stronger than fatigue.
   Your hope will overcome depression.
   Your strength will carry your pain.
   Your determination will sharpen your mind.
   Your faith will shape your future, and
   Your soul will keep you warm.

       I hope you have a good day. I'm super sleepy so I'll be watching The Great British Bake-off and drinking plenty of fluids. 

        Love,

          Joelle.

Tyler Ward Replied to my E-mail (asdfghjkl)

     Well, hello, there, everyone! Or, at least, hey, there, one person who reads this. :) Anyways, yes, I am two and a half-ish days off on my postings. (shhhhhhhh) Don't tell anyone.* Anyway, UPDATE! I am currently taking voice lessons and working on my singing skillz... And I am trying as hard as I can to get some covers down so I can record them. So possibly look out for something on YouTube later this month. (Now that I've told the general public, I have to do it, mwahahaha. This is how I motivate myself: scare factor.)

     What else? Oh, yeah. There is this amazing singer who started out on YouTube known as Tyler Ward, and you should check him out. He is definitely an inspiration to me. Plus, he has fabulous hair. (lol) Here's a link to his channel: Tyler Ward Music- YouTube. Anyway, I found a general e-mail for him on his website, and I thought, "Well, hey, why not? I've got nothing to lose and anything to gain." So I sent him a message, asking for advice, and on a whim, mentioned something along the lines of looking for a mentor. And HE E-MAILED ME BACK. :) He said he might be having a contest or something to find a few new artists to work with, and he said he'd keep me posted. Needless to say, I am happy just because he took the time to respect my courage (and *cough* desperation *cough*). So I suppose we'll see if anything happens in the next few months.

     Anything else? Um, I got a new laptop. It is fabulous and incredibly annoying at the same time. Ah, well, whatcha gonna do. Macs....

     Ta-ta for now! I'll type you next week.

*SHAME ON YOU You told, didn't you?