It's Hard.

       It’s hard.

      It’s really, really, hard. When your mind is saying, yes, yes, let's do it! and your soul is chiming in, this will make you happy; but your body simply replies with the same answer every time, like an old man on the bus who says the same words to the driver every day when he nods goodbye: I’m so very tired.

        I’m sorry, I can’t do it. 

        It hurts too much.

       All I want is to practice the piano, or sew, or take a full-length shower; and if I go ahead and do it anyway, afterward my body is in even more pain— a lot more.

       Then I have to take more medicine,

       and my mind gets even more dizzy, 

       and when my soul says, you can keep moving forward! I want to grab it by its hair and shout and sob and show it the dull, burning flashes of frosty lightning tracing every path my neurons connect to with a silent scream.

       Yet even when tears are streaming down my face and all I need more than air itself is a hug, but I can’t get one because everyone else is asleep— I still hear my soul, quietly flickering away in my shaky heart to keep it warm.

       You will.

   Your will is stronger than fatigue.
   Your hope will overcome depression.
   Your strength will carry your pain.
   Your determination will sharpen your mind.
   Your faith will shape your future, and
   Your soul will keep you warm.

       I hope you have a good day. I'm super sleepy so I'll be watching The Great British Bake-off and drinking plenty of fluids. 

        Love,

          Joelle.

YOU'RE GONNA DIE IN SEVEN DAYS!

DEAR
     Worriers:
           Since the beginning of time, humanity has had an obsession with the future. We try to predict the future. We try to control the future. We worry.

            Worry is fear while it is still curious.

           Worry is simply some degree of insecurity about the future. Why is it we worry so much about things we can't control? Why is it we can't simply let go?

       'Since time immemorial humans have longed to learn that which the future holds for them. Thus, in ancient civilization, and even today with fortune telling as a true profession, humankind continues to be curious about its future, both out of sheer curiosity as well as out of the desire to better prepare for it..."

-Rabbi Ronald H. Isaacs

           God gives you next to nothing about your specific future in the Bible. In such an insecure world where there is so much hostility and war and famine and pain, why would God be so vague about our future? Why would God tell us so much about Jesus' future and not ours?

     'Therefore, I tell you the truth: do not worry. Who of you by worrying can add a single moment to your life?'

-Matthew 6:27 NIV

          I think the reason is because we will have trouble no matter what. We will go through difficult times no matter what. Do we really want to know about all of the terrible things to come? That will only make us worry more, and stop concentrating on the here and now, which is what matter most. We will walk through the shadow of the valley of death. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can say that I certainly don't want to know about the darkness in my future. I have a hard enough time dealing with life as it is.

            This is where I begin to come to a conclusion: the goal of this life is not to figure out the future- it is to love. It is to better the lives of those around us. And when you wake up in the night in a cold sweat and feel scared and alone, know that the creator of the universe holds your future in his very hands. He is with you in every moment.

The goal is not to figure everything out. The goal is to know that God will help us through everything.

            Try not to worry. It may not seem like it, but the universe is on your side.

With Hopefully Receding Pensiveness,

Joélle.