...you're better than me.

Life is not a competition.

Don't think about how good you have to be, or who you have to be better than. You don't

have

to do or be anything. Think

back to when you first got into something that you love to do.

Why

did you want to do it in the first place? Because it brought you joy? you felt purpose by doing that certain activity? Yet once you've gone a certain distance, it isn't so fun anymore.

When did life stop being fun?

So tell me, who decides what we do well and what we should or should not do? Is it the judges, or the critics? Is it shame? Parents? A huge component that we often forget is that

all those who judge us are biased

—

that's what judging means. It's their OPINION, not hard, cold fact.

We judge people all the time

—

based on how they act, what they wear, who they hang out with. Critics and bosses do the same thing but their opinions are typed out, made public, and declared 'official'. They compare us to someone who is better than us. That's the problem most of us run into at some point

—

we compare ourselves to others, too

. The slap in the face of truth is that there will always be someone 'better'. Is this going to make you feel confident? Is it going to help you in any positive way? NO!!

You need to compare yourself... to yourself. How have you improved? What can you do better now that was hard before? Looking ahead is good, but glancing back at where you've been can boost your self-esteem.

Feeling sorry for yourself is NOT going to solve anything; it'll make

everything

worse.

When you're in a negative mood, everything feels harder, takes longer, and you won't improve as quickly

—

you won't enjoy what you do anymore if you don't have purpose. How are you going to get anywhere in life if you never have fun sometimes?

Keep trying, and never give up. You need to do things for yourself— not the trophy, not the job; not the satisfaction of being 'better' than someone else— but for the simple reason of loving what you're doing and enjoying it all.

Lately, I've really been thinking a lot about jealousy. We all have it toward someone.... an enemy, a friend, a colleague. I also have trouble with being jealous of others I meet in the music business; I just feel so inferior when I see others’ talent. Why can’t I be that good? There IS this thing called practice and determination, though, and I plan on getting to the place where I personally feel equal to really talented people around me. And honestly, it’s hard. But I am not going to give up, because music is what I live for. And I don’t feel like not living just quite yet.

To help with my description of this, and to make it more interesting, I’m using the example of my past jealousy toward my brother, who is… well, smart. Not just normal smart, but really smart. It’s really quite annoying, to be honest. ;) He lives and breathes numbers, and I'm just feeling a little.... inferior. You know what I mean. He's really, really smart, and I, being a few years older, almost can't stand it. If you put us each in a chair, and put a huge math problem in front of us, the immediate effect would be this:

My brother, pencil poised, would be surrounded by a glow, his eyes wide in anticipation, an invisible voice singing aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!*
Then you'd look toward my seat. Your first thought would be, "Where'd she go?" Then you would squint, and realize that the very top of my head could still be seen, though barely, above the table. And hey, what do you know, there's something floating above my chair. "Is that a storm cloud?! And it's raining, too!"**

I've been trying to cope with this feeling I get when someone else is better at something than I am, but it's so hard. But after thinking about this a while, I think I've come up with a list of ways to help both me and you solve the green-eyed problem. Let me know what you think, and if you've got any input, let the rest of us know! You never know who it might help. Here goes:

1) stop thinking about what they're so much better at than you, and instead concentrate on what you can do that they can't. We've all got our weak spots. Think about the things that set you apart.

For instance, I'm better at the arts (creative writing, drawing, music) while my brother is better at more.... I guess you'd say technological (?) things (math, all sciences, etc.).

2) don't compare yourself to them. Why do you feel the need to? Do you think you have to be better than them? Everyone is so different, so unique, we really can't compare ourselves to other people. What will you gain from comparing, anyway? You'll just grow bitter and unfriendly towards that person the longer you feel that way. It won’t help anything.

This is the concept I struggle with the most. He's around all of the time.... how can I not compare us? This is really a question of will. If you want to remove yourself, you'll be able to. It will take time, and a little help from others, but you'll be able to do it.

3) This is the last step: feel happy for them. They have natural talents– you don't have to let them know, but be glad they have something they can do well and be proud of. You also need to feel this way toward yourself; get excited about what you can do! Also, my brother’s good at math and science. Do I care about math and science, beyond basic knowledge? NO! So why bother with any jealousy? I now have a live GPS and calculator that I can use whenever I need. The only negative side is the sassiness that comes along with using my brother’s services. :D

4) Finally, for an extra oomph, use that feeling you get to push yourself to improve, if you still care. Back to my beginning example: Someone’s better at singing than I am? LET THE EXTRA PRACTICE SESSIONS BEGIN. I’m gonna catch up.

And if you still have trouble letting this go, write it all out. Seeing your thoughts in front of you helps you figure things out. It works.... believe me, I know. :) These are my thoughts. What are yours?

*, ** dramatized version.

I'm Better Than You!

...you're better than me.

Feeling Blue... Or Green?

today is day one

...you're better than me.