Lately, I've really been thinking a lot
about jealousy. We all have it toward someone.... an enemy, a friend, a
colleague. I also have trouble with being jealous of others I meet in the music
business; I just feel so inferior when I see others’ talent. Why can’t I be that good? There IS this
thing called practice and determination, though, and I plan on getting to the
place where I personally feel equal to really talented people around me. And
honestly, it’s hard. But I am not going to give up, because music is what I
live for. And I don’t feel like not
living just quite yet.
To help with my description of this, and to make it more interesting, I’m using the example of my past jealousy toward my brother, who is… well, smart. Not just normal smart, but really smart. It’s really quite annoying, to be honest. ;) He lives and breathes numbers, and I'm just feeling a little.... inferior. You know what I mean. He's really, really smart, and I, being a few years older, almost can't stand it. If you put us each in a chair, and put a huge math problem in front of us, the immediate effect would be this:My brother, pencil poised, would be surrounded by a glow, his eyes wide in anticipation, an invisible voice singing aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!*
Then you'd look toward my seat. Your first thought would be, "Where'd she go?" Then you would squint, and realize that the very top of my head could still be seen, though barely, above the table. And hey, what do you know, there's something floating above my chair. "Is that a storm cloud?! And it's raining, too!"**
I've been trying to cope with this feeling I
get when someone else is better at something than I am, but it's so hard. But
after thinking about this a while, I think I've come up with a list of ways to
help both me and you solve the green-eyed problem. Let me know what you think,
and if you've got any input, let the rest of us know! You never know who it
might help. Here goes:
1)
stop thinking about what they're so much better at than you, and instead
concentrate on what you can do that
they can't. We've all got our weak
spots. Think about the things that set you apart.
For instance, I'm better at the arts
(creative writing, drawing, music) while my brother is better at more.... I
guess you'd say technological (?) things (math, all sciences, etc.).
2)
don't compare yourself to them. Why do you feel the need to? Do you think you
have to be better than them? Everyone is so different, so unique, we really
can't compare ourselves to other people. What will you gain from comparing,
anyway? You'll just grow bitter and unfriendly towards that person the longer
you feel that way. It won’t help anything.
This is the concept I struggle with
the most. He's around all of the time.... how can I not compare us? This is really a question of will. If you want to
remove yourself, you'll be able to. It will take time, and a little help from others,
but you'll be able to do it.
3)
This is the last step: feel happy for them. They have natural talents– you don't have to let them
know, but be glad they have something they can do well and be proud of. You
also need to feel this way toward yourself; get excited about what you can do! Also, my brother’s good at
math and science. Do I care about math and science, beyond basic knowledge? NO!
So why bother with any jealousy? I now have a live GPS and calculator that I
can use whenever I need. The only negative side is the sassiness that comes
along with using my brother’s services. :D
4) Finally,
for an extra oomph, use that feeling you get to push yourself to improve, if
you still care. Back to my beginning example: Someone’s better at singing than
I am? LET THE EXTRA PRACTICE SESSIONS BEGIN. I’m gonna catch up.
And if you still have trouble
letting this go, write it all out. Seeing your thoughts in front of you helps
you figure things out. It works.... believe me, I know. :) These are my
thoughts. What are yours?
*, ** dramatized version.