Who Do You Want To Be?

who, not what.

I asked myself today, ‘Who do you really, truly, honestly want to be?’ Then I made a list, but it was more of a list of what I wanted to be, not who.

‘I want to be an author,’ I said. ‘A recording artist, a songwriter who can sustain herself.’ But those are all occupations; a way of surviving financially in this world (even if they are considered ‘whimsical’ positions by many people). The real question I should ask myself is, ‘Who do I want to be inside?’

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      So I made a new list. ‘I want to be encouraging,’ I said. ‘Someone who keeps moving forward and finding the good in everything and everyone; someone who can be inspired, and inspire in turn.’

     I want to be someone who encourages minds and souls, lets them know they are not alone, and takes the dark and makes it beautiful. I want to love instead of hating; create, and not destroy. I want to make brokenness beautiful.

      Instead of wishing to be a certain way, try every day to be a little better than the person you were yesterday. Don’t wait for it to come to you, because it won’t. You have to become it.

      Tell me, who do you want to be?

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My Story… (Has Just Begun!)

            I wasn't entirely sure what to write today, so I thought I'd write a professional sad blurb (although it's a bit longer than a blurb- maybe a bluurben? List names for longer blurbs down below...).

             For the past two and a half years, my health has been steadily declining— it began with severe chronic fatigue syndrome and constant headaches; then muscle and joint pain, difficulty walking or standing for more than 5 minutes, brain fog, dizziness/light-headedness, benign essential tremors in the hands, numbing neuropathy in the arms and legs, and severe nerve pain in the shoulders (specifically the right shoulder), back, and right arm and hand.

            Tentative diagnoses from my current team of doctors include fibromyalgia, neural auto-immune disease, and neural brain inflammation. Concrete diagnoses include ME/CFS, neuropathy, and allergies/intolerance of cats, dogs, anything with fur, lactose/dairy, gluten, lettuce, white beans, and a variety of grains.

             I am twenty-four years old, and I feel like I am losing time in the prime of my life to go explore opportunities and do what I really feel called by God to do: be a songwriter, author, and recording artist in the major scene. I know that I am supposed to cut through the depravity and worldliness of a lot of the music and storytelling of today and give listeners encouragement and inspiration to use their brokenness and create something beautiful again. I'm trying to follow my previously stated mantra, but even I can't hold to it in this pain and mental foggy thunderstorm.

          I want to learn how to control my panic attacks (or even stop them altogether!), grow closer to God and use my spirituality as a way to move forward in health and joyfulness. I want to gain a stronger outlook and learn new ways to continue following my calling while combatting this serious chronic illness and pain.

             And sometimes, I just need someone to spill my heart and tears to, because this is hard, and I'm not impenetrable.

Believe It! を信じなさい!

       Hugs help, too. Believe it!

              So there you have it: my mind (today, anyway) in a nutshell. Yeah, it can get kind of depressing in there sometimes, but gosh, do I love creating things! I also want to be encouraging to everyone I meet no matter how bad of a day I or the people around me may be having, so there's a real year's resolution!

What Is Your Quintessence?

          Hi. My name is Joelle, I'm 24, and music is the only thing in life that has ever made me quintessentially* ecstatic. I've been told I make very interesting faces at concerts (shrugs awkwardly).

       Music saved my life. When I was 16, I had to stop my dance career because of a sustained injury, and I fell into a horribly dark mentality. When I started writing music, my life had meaning again, and now I know that I'm meant to do something with music.

       The world needs music; something that transcends language, culture, belief, and opinion-- something that brings people together. And I intend to contribute to that. 

          Please join me on my journey; I can't do this alone. God has given me the ability to create, and I just wish I knew how to share that. At the moment, I can barely get people to share my two official songs. They listen, and then they forget. I need to figure out how to get the opposite result: sharing, being inspired and thinking and moving forward.
           It takes a village; we need to support each other. Is there anything I can encourage you with? Email me or comment below.
           Share your dreams and make them stronger!

           With encouragement, 
           Joelle


P.S. 
My new braces have moved my teeth just enough that the molars don't currently touch enough to chew, so I now want to impart unto you, my dear reader, the joy for and realization of the extreme under-appreciation that we as a species have for chewing. 
Thank you.


* Quin·tes·sence   /ˌkwinˈtesəns/   noun. 
1. The most perfect example of something.
2. The central, most refined essence of an idea or substance.