Why do Humans Exist?

DEAR
     Existentialists:
            Once again, I've been overthinking.

         I just watched Lucy; a film in which a woman dragged into a drug ring gone wrong is suddenly able to use the entire capacity of her brain. Last night, I watched a film called The Giver, about a seemingly utopian society in which emotion, color, difference, and anything that can set anyone apart from anyone else is nonexistent. After watching these, it made me think.

        We, as humans, take things for granted. We make poor choices. We create incredible things. We engineer horrible things. The human race as a whole is incredible, in good ways as well as bad. I could write a dissertation on this subject alone, but I'm going to try to concentrate on one: how we think.

           In Lucy, the title character slowly immerses herself in everything around her, until she no longer exists as a person. One of the first things to go are her emotions, after the offending drug bag is removed from her body. She uses logic, but feelings, care of consequences, and pain slowly fade away. She kills without blinking an eyelash. Her existence suddenly loses meaning to her, and she cares for only one thing: saving her knowledge. Imagine if everyone in the world were like that. I shiver just thinking about it.

            In The Giver, everyone in the society is given injections that remove the ability to feel emotion. Everyone is supposed to be the same as everyone else, so everything listed next has been removed from their world: emotion, free choice, skin color, nationality, talent, free thought, free expression, ownership of anything of any kind. That means no music, no dancing, no colors, no books, no learning, no expressing your opinion. No expansion of knowledge. No change. If twins are born, one is immediately killed.

             When someone speaks out, messes up, or gets too old, they are killed. Babies are reassigned to "family units" so that there is no personal attachment. Imagine if we lived in a world where we couldn't feel. There would be no love, no happiness, no sadness. No determination, no invention, no change. No creativity, which is the thing in all creation that I appreciate most. And the worst part about it all? No one would know any different. That would be the human existence. This creeps me out way more than Lucy, but tell me; what are your thoughts?

          Here is a short but not sweet description of how afraid I am of my own thoughts:

Neverever

The darkness blows across the water 

like a soulful wind:

waterfalls all around the ground.

Dream sweat– white imagination,

the feeling of lost 

While collecting bits and torn scraps of forgotten afternoons.

How can something so black, painful, be 

as elegant as this?

A flurry of thoughts, sediments

at the bottom of night’s ink; seething, sobbing.

What’s coming leaves me far behind;

I keep on walking through ghosts–

I am afraid of the landscape of my mind.

With Her Head Between Her Knees, Rocking Back And Forth In A Corner,

Joélle.

Say What?!... Er- Sing What?

DEAR
     "I Love This Song!":
             You know how you'll hear a song, and you'll say, "What the heck was that supposed to mean?" Like Coldplay's Viva la Vida (one of my personal favorites), for instance. I mean, yeah, it sounds awesome!!! (fantastic string sections; love the violin!) but what's it actually about- and what does it really mean?

             If you Google the meaning of the song, a lot of mixed ideas pop up. One explanation that I like a lot suggests that the song is about revolution. There are clues that could support this idea: on the cover of the album- named after this song- is a print of Delacroix's rendition of the 1830 French revolution, Liberty Leading the People, and the lyrics mention that the old king is dead/ long live the king. Many of the other songs on the CD also allude to revolution-istic (I made up that word, in case you're wondering!) ideas.

            Then there are ridiculous ideas, some going so far as to say that the song is about devil idolatry and other evil things. Many say the song is about Jesus, but the facts aren't straight if they are supposed to refer to him. Especially the lyrics that speak of how a wicked and wild wind/ blew down the doors to let me in. Nothing wicked would ever "let him in"- anything evil would want to keep him out! It makes more sense if this idea referred to Satan, when he was beautiful and in good standing, and then he fell.

             My description of the song is a bit more vague and, I think, one of the better explanations. I think the song is about anyone who was rich or famous- perhaps even the band itself. They were in great 'power' for a while, but then fell. (The band lost its popularity for a while until this song came out.) One reason to support this idea of someone rich/famous is the mention of having power and even gambling with both money and life: I used to roll the dice/ see the fear in my enemies' eyes. "Then why all the Biblical references?" you might ask. The band has admitted to not being very religiously correct with Viva la Vida; the lead singer said they just "wanted to write a fun song" that everyone would like. Here are the full lyrics, in case you want to read them through:                                                   

Viva la Vida

           I used to rule the world                                          For some reason I can't explain

Seas would rise when I gave the word                              Once you'd gone there was never

Now in the morning I sleep alone                                              Never an honest word

Sweep the streets I used to own                                   But that was when I ruled the world

I used to roll the dice                                              It was a wicked and wild wind

Feel the fear in my enemies' eyes                                       Blew down the doors to let me in

Listen as the crowd would sing                                        Shattered windows and the sound of                                                                                        drums

Now the old king is dead; long live the king                         People couldn't believe what I'd become

One minute I held the key                                             Revolutionaries wait

     Next the walls were closed on me                                              For my head on a silver plate

And I discovered that my castles stand                                    Just a puppet on a lonely string

        Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand                                        Oh, who would ever want                                                                                                     to be king

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing                                           ....For some reason I can't explain

            Roman cavalry choirs are singing                                  I know Saint Peter won't call  my name                                                                              

Be my mirror, my sword, my shield                                                    Never an honest word

My missionaries in a foreign field                                          But that was when I ruled the world

With The Haughty Snort Of A Lyricist,

Joélle.

You've Got Dat Technical Something

     Firstly, IT'S HALLOWEEN!!!! I've dressed up as a jester and as Tinkerbell. How about you?

    Anyway, on to the serious shtuff. I've been thinking deeply recently (never a good thing), and I absolutely do not like the sound of my voice. Scientifically, that’s normal. But still, shouldn’t I at least be able to cope with it a little? I am a singer, for sadness’ sake. Sheesh.

    I was discussing things with my vocal coach a couple weeks ago, and she said, “There’s really not all that much I can teach you. I’m just here to direct you and coach you here and there.” That made me feel like my hard work all last summer had paid off, but then I started thinking about it in a different way.

    I know I can sing. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got a good ear, I can play a bunch of instruments, I know how to sing in key. Technically, I’ve got it all down. The problem is, I just don’t have that extra ‘oomph’ that some people talk about when discussing singers they love. My voice in general? Really quite average. There is nothing extremely special about it; I don’t have some sort of cool tone, I don’t have funky vibrato, I don’t really have super unique styles. Which, of course, bothers me greatly.

   I have a friend who is a fabulous singer, and she has a lovely voice- you know, one of those voices you can only be born with. Quite honestly, I am SO JEALOUS. However, her mother often mentions how she concentrates on her songwriting instead of her technical singing (the stuff I have down). Ideally, if you glued our DNA together, we’d be a singing machine: natural talent and technical knowledge all rolled into one.

    I know I beat myself down sometimes, but I suppose it keeps me humble. After realizing how I feel about all of this, am I going to stop singing? Hell, no! I am going to continue working even harder than I have been to get to where I dream of being: onstage; in a recording studio; working with other artists. Yes, I don’t have an amazing voice. But I can learn how to do amazing things with my voice. Music is my obsession. I even believe it may be my calling, so I’m going to keep following it until (or unless) something else calls me. Though truthfully, I hope nothing else calls me.