Our relatives have a very specific view of who they think we are: uptight, condescending, judgmental religious
people. During a recent get-together, one of my cousins was discussing her
friend’s new boyfriend; she was curious as to what his parents thought about
the relationship. She was about to mention the specific reason for it when my
aunt shook her head and mouthed, we don’t
talk about that here. My cousin then went on to say something about the
parents’ religion and how her friend was not of the same religion as her new
boyfriend.
Naturally, I
asked what religion they were, as I’m always curious about everything. My aunt
and cousin both tensed and exchanged glances, as if they were afraid of
something impending. I asked again, and my cousin hesitantly told me that the
boyfriend’s family was Muslim. My reply, which seemed to surprise them, was
“Oh, yes, their culture does have rules about that.” From what I know of
Islamic law, the boyfriend’s family must be much less strict with the rules, as
they’re allowing their son to date at all. I’d be curious about the situation
if my friend were in the same position, I don’t blame my cousin for wondering. What
really bothers me is that my relatives seem to think that my family and I are
so judgmental that we’ll explode at the slightest mention of something not in
line with our personal views.
I try to be hyper-aware of how much general society
and media condemn Christians; I walk through judgment every day, because I
don’t try to hide my religion. The problem is this: just as it is unfair to
generalize an entire race or political group, so too is it unfair to generalize
a religion. I know I’ll get a lot of flak for this, but saying all Christians
are small-minded and disparaging is like saying all Muslims are terrorists, or
all black people are violent, or all French people are uptight. And God forbid
you’re an African-French Muslim. Or a police officer in the United States.
The solution to
this is to realize that each person is different, and it’s not the amount of
melanin in your skin, or the entity to whom you pray, or the place where you
were brought up that does any of those awful things we hear about on the news.
Each person who did those things made the decision to carry out the actions.
Was their way of thinking influenced by the subculture of the aforementioned? Possibly.
But those individuals made the decision to hurt others on their own. You can’t
condemn the village for the actions of the one.
Just because I
have certain beliefs doesn’t mean that I’m not able to listen to— and hopefully
understand— other points of view. This is a concept that a lot of people
struggle with, and I don’t blame them. It’s hard to understand things you don’t
believe, but you can’t respect others if you don’t try to see the world through
their eyes. A diamond wouldn’t be as beautiful with only one facet, would it?
The world is a
judgmental place, because we are humans, and all humans judge. We all have
first impressions, and we all cast our stones at the celebrities and
politicians gracing the criticism-brimming tabloids. It’s in our nature, just
like it’s ingrained in our hearts to protect our own.
With Respect,
Joélle.
Joélle.