it’s not all in your head.
Or rather, it is mostly in your head, but literally (not just figuratively). For the longest time, I thought that the feeling of hopelessness and apathy was something I couldn't control. It would just creep up on me, even when I was happy and had no reason to be sad at all.* It was infuriating because I couldn't make it go away, and I couldn't come to understand it.
I felt invaded, violated by something invisible that some would say was 'all in my mind'. Noticing something internal like this when you're 14 years old and are already terrified of how the world around you works is debilitating.
I didn't know how to handle it, so I muddled through the next four years; I cried, learned lessons, went to college, and lost hold of my dancing dreams—
all with the black, smokey shadow of depression swirling through me invisibly. Then I was eighteen, and I was finally diagnosed with clinical depressive disorder. I researched it after my doctor said that it wasn't just me creating the sadness.
Scientific studies show so much more! For instance, did you know:
1. 'Experts believe stress can suppress the production of new neurons (nerve cells) in the brain'.* Neurons are what make the brain work properly, and if you have depression, you probably need something to spur on neurogenesis*.
Neurotransmitters.
2. In people with depression, the levels of certain brain chemicals might be out of balance, particularly these neurotransmitters*: serotonin (which regulates mood, emotion, and sleep); dopamine (which affects movement, attention, and pleasure); and norepinephrine (which regulates arousal, sleep, attention, and mood)*.
Wow! It feels like college again. In any case, my poor little brain, while feeling much better emotionally, is now exhausted past the point of being science-y any longer. I hope this will help if you have any friends or family who can't quite wrap their own heads around what's going on in your head, or if you're trying to understand yourself.
Love and Hugs and Naps (Boy Am I Pooped),
Joëlle
*1."Understanding Anhedonia: What Happens in the Brain?" Tim Newman/Medical News Today. (2018)
*2."What Causes Depression?" Harvard Medical School. (2009) (2017)
*3."What Is Neurogenesis?" University of Queensland. (2017)
*4."What Are Neurotransmitters?" University of Queensland. (2017)
*5."What Causes Depression? Brain Chemistry and Neurotransmitters..." Alison Palkhivala/University Health News. (2019)
