I wasn't entirely sure what to write today, so I thought I'd write a professional sad blurb (although it's a bit longer than a blurb- maybe a bluurben? List names for longer blurbs down below...).
For the past two and a half years, my health has been steadily declining— it began with severe chronic fatigue syndrome and constant headaches; then muscle and joint pain, difficulty walking or standing for more than 5 minutes, brain fog, dizziness/light-headedness, benign essential tremors in the hands, numbing neuropathy in the arms and legs, and severe nerve pain in the shoulders (specifically the right shoulder), back, and right arm and hand.
Tentative diagnoses from my current team of doctors include fibromyalgia, neural auto-immune disease, and neural brain inflammation. Concrete diagnoses include ME/CFS, neuropathy, and allergies/intolerance of cats, dogs, anything with fur, lactose/dairy, gluten, lettuce, white beans, and a variety of grains.
I am twenty-four years old, and I feel like I am losing time in the prime of my life to go explore opportunities and do what I really feel called by God to do: be a songwriter, author, and recording artist in the major scene. I know that I am supposed to cut through the depravity and worldliness of a lot of the music and storytelling of today and give listeners encouragement and inspiration to use their brokenness and create something beautiful again. I'm trying to follow my previously stated mantra, but even I can't hold to it in this pain and mental foggy thunderstorm.
I want to learn how to control my panic attacks (or even stop them altogether!), grow closer to God and use my spirituality as a way to move forward in health and joyfulness. I want to gain a stronger outlook and learn new ways to continue following my calling while combatting this serious chronic illness and pain.
And sometimes, I just need someone to spill my heart and tears to, because this is hard, and I'm not impenetrable.
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| Believe It! を信じなさい! |
Hugs help, too. Believe it!
So there you have it: my mind (today, anyway) in a nutshell. Yeah, it can get kind of depressing in there sometimes, but gosh, do I love creating things! I also want to be encouraging to everyone I meet no matter how bad of a day I or the people around me may be having, so there's a real year's resolution!